Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day?

That is another one of those puzzling things to say. Along with "how have you been doing?", "happy" Memorial Day just seems uncomfortable to reply to. But I suppose it's "happy" because we do indeed have so much to be thankful for.

This weekend included a trip back to Fort Hood again. The family of the 11/5/09 fallen civilian, Michael Cahill organized an incredible thing. They wanted to lay wreathes along the fence at the site of the 11/5 shooting at Fort Hood. They hung 2 already on Easter, and they invited any families of the fallen, wounded or first responders to come and hang more yesterday. It was such a powerful statement, looking at all the ribbons and wreathes on that fence once we were done. A few of the wounded said it was the first time they had been back there, and it was emotional for us all. It felt like we overcame something together. It may not have healed everyone completely, but it was nice to stand there together, to be united by our gratitude and grief, and to realize how we will forever be bound together by this tragedy.

Several family members sent wreathes to the Cahills to hang. Others made their own wreathes to honor all of the fallen, even one for Francheska Valez's baby who was never born. Some brought flags and ribbons. It was such a respectful and meaningful way to spend Memorial Day weekend, and to remind us what the holiday is really about. Even though it is still a crime scene, the fence now looks a little more like a memorial. Thank you to the Cahills for this.

My dad and I met with the prosecutors also yesterday. I am so grateful that God has given such competence and intellect to that legal team to understand how to prosecute a mass murderer in the military. It is not a job I have any knowledge of, nor would I want. I am confident they will do everything thoroughly and appropriately according to their law. I do not care much what becomes of Hasan. I don't spend much time thinking about him to be honest. It is hard enough to get through the day with the knowledge that JD was killed and is never coming back here. I don't have enough energy to focus on revenge for Hasan or hate or anything for that matter. I am more concerned with making sure no one forgets what JD and 12 others gave that day, not just what Hasan did that day.

I was so humbled to speak today at the Plano, Texas Memorial Day Ceremony. I will post my speech below. I continue to be humbled to be JD's voice when allowed. I truly felt inadequate to receive the thanks that came after the ceremony for my brother's service. I know he heard all the thank you's for him. I was especially moved by the hugs from a couple of gold star moms, and we shared understanding tears and hugs. One mother lost her son in Iraq, and she told me that she needed to hear the last line of my speech so much today, and that meant a great deal to me. She needed to hear, again, that her son too did not die on accident, but lived for a purpose. I am still very much in a place of grief myself, so to offer any comfort to another grieving person is truly humbling. It is God's work, not mine; the ultimate Comforter.

The part of the speech that seems to be the most appreciated is the part about remembering the 13 from 11/5, rather than focusing on the name of a terrorist. You will notice, if you've read the things I've written before, some things that I said today will be redundant. I told my husband yesterday that I might be running out of words (wow, me?!), because I cannot seem to find new words for the same story, and frankly, I'm getting sick of the sound of my own voice. I keep telling myself that it's not just my voice though. I told him I'm getting really anxious about how many people will be saying Hasan's name this week, perhaps not remembering JD's or Justin DeCrow's or Juanita Warman's or Michael Cahill's. He said, "Then you should say that." I always wonder what is appropriate to say, and what is not. But I listened to him, and I think it is the most important thing about what I said today.

I'd like to note that I'm really interested in knowing facts, not assumptions, and I want to stay in contact with the prosecutors to make sure I know them. This trial will be filled with assumptions from everyone, and knowing the truth is important to me. There are 31 confirmed wounded from 11/5. We may never know how many were shot at or grazed by bullets. When you hear the number 32, it is for the officer who took down Hasan but was not physically wounded. Hasan is being charged with 32 counts of attempted murder in addition to 13 counts of murder.

When you turn on the TV tomorrow, in place of the anger you have in looking at one man, replace his face with the 13 who are gone. I will make it a point to ask a gold star mother what her son's name is from now on. I want to remember the names that matter.

Plano, Texas Memorial Day Ceremony Speech

Greater love hath no man than this; that a man lay down his life for his friend." John 15:13

Good morning. Thank you Congressman Hall, Mayor Phil Dyer, Mayor Pro Tem Lee Dunlap and the city of Plano for allowing me to be here today. Thank you to all of you here today who are serving, or have once served in our great American military. It is because of you that we are able to have such incredible ceremonies and freedoms that we are participating in today.

My name is Leila Hunt-Willingham. I grew up with a small family in Oklahoma. When I was 8 years old, my mom and dad informed me that I was going to be a big sister. Jason Dean Hunt, "JD" to me and lots of close family and friends, was born on August 25, 1987. You can imagine what kind of unsolicited, motherly torture an 8 year old little girl inflicted upon a sweet innocent baby. Since the day he was born, I considered myself a little mommy, even if he didn't. I never had an "American Girl doll". I realize now that my little brother was my "American boy", and he grew up to represent everything in that title.

He was always an incredibly selfless young man, even as a baby. He never wanted to disrupt the house. My parents would describe him as the sweet, quiet little boy, who didn't beg for much attention; Clearly I was his polar opposite. From a very young age, JD was humble, and I was enough voice for the both of us. In fact, I can remember JD sitting at the glass door of our house when it rained, staring at the rain for hours without saying a word. Undoubtedly, I was constructing a stage out of couch cushions and putting on a concert for our stuffed animals, belting out his favorite song, "Blame it on the rain". But as a toddler, he would just sit there and watch the rain come down.

It was difficult for me to watch JD grow up. To see him experience any type of rejection, pain or just lessons of life was very hard. I just did not ever want anyone to hurt my sweet little brother.

He graduated from high school in 2005 from a small town in Oklahoma with a graduating class of less than 30 people. He decided to enlist in the United States Army as an infantry man in early 2006. While I worried about the danger of his chosen job, my family and I could not have been more proud of his decision to serve something greater than himself. The decision to be a soldier - to live selflessly - to sacrifice his own freedoms so that others have them - I am still in awe at such a big decision from such a young man.

My parents and I were so blessed to be able to attend his basic training graduation at Fort Benning, Georgia. We almost didn't recognize the lean, fit young man who marched right by us during the ceremony. My little brother left Oklahoma a teenager, and became a man in 3 short months. JD was deployed to Iraq in November 2006. He was there for 15 months. We worried about him so much while he was there. As an infantryman, we were always afraid that he was in harm's way every single day. While in Iraq, JD really had embraced his new military lifestyle, his brothers and sisters in arms, his job. When his first 3 year commitment came to an end while he was deployed, JD made the decision to reenlist for 6 more years. I watched a video he showed me of him raising his right hand, taking an oath to serve his country, this time in the middle of a desert. I thought I was proud of him for making his own decision to serve his country the first time, at the young age of 19. But I was even more proud to watch him make the decision again in a war-zone, after experiencing and seeing so many things.

JD requested a transfer to Fort Hood, Texas upon his return from his deployment, so that he could be closer to his family. We were all so relieved to have him home safely in early 2009, after worrying for so long.

On November 5th, 2009, JD was filling out paperwork and getting immunizations for a second deployment to Iraq when a man in the same uniform that JD was wearing stood up in front of hundreds of his own and fired a handgun into a sea unarmed people, wounding 31 and killing 13. My brother was one of them. We worried so much for him while he was in Iraq. We had no idea we'd be going to his funeral 8 months after his safe return from "war", for such a senseless act of murder.

My brother was giving to everyone. While in Iraq, he sent me flowers on my birthday. On mother's day last year, he gave me and my mom necklaces. Most people would expect a son to give a gift to their mothers on Mother's Day. But how many brothers give their sisters gifts on Mother's day? I remember him saying, "You're a mother too..." He showered my kids with gifts as if they were his own children. Barbies, legos, video games. He always gave incredible gifts on every holiday. I now cherish the gifts he gave more than ever, finding an appreciation in them I never had before. The expensive camera he bought me last year will ensure I capture every moment of the precious life he died for me to have. Every time I get lost while driving, or need to find my way to an important event like this one, I find myself thanking him again, because the GPS I keep in my car was a Christmas gift from my incredible brother. JD is still helping me find my way, every day. Sadly, he gave the ultimate gift on November 5th, and now with every freedom we enjoy, every blessing we receive, I thank him for his part in giving that to us. At the young age of 22, he wanted to start a family and be a father more than anything. He will never get to have his Father's day. Instead, this holiday belongs to him.

Now a "Gold Star" family member, I have had the honor of meeting some incredible people. When I hear the company that JD is in, all who are now in the Army of the Lord as well, I listen to stories from mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters who have lost their soldiers in the military, and I am proud that JD lived and died beside such incredible people. At our last gold star support group meeting, the mother of a Frisco fallen soldier, Cpl Peter Courcy, told us the story of how her son came home to her from Afghanistan in February of 2009. She explained the incredible honor of his "welcome home" ceremony at the airport, and how emotional it was to see her son's coffin draped in a flag. A Vietnam veteran in a wheelchair approached her. She told us that he thanked her. He told her "This was my welcome home ceremony too."

We sometimes forget how many men and women before us have served in more thankless wars than this one. Some of them came home to airports where people would spit in their faces. Thank God we have come a long way and are starting to realize that no matter how we feel about politics and war, we should go out of our way to thank the soldiers who follow orders and sacrifice so much for us. They are the reason for all our freedoms! We can all learn a lesson about selfless sacrifice from a soldier. We owe them everything. When you see a family member displaying a gold star, hug them. When you see a soldier in a uniform or a veteran, thank them.

I've learned that God's timing is perfect, even when we don't see it. This week, you will turn on your TVs and be reminded of a tragedy that occurred 7 months ago. How many people know the name Malik Nadal Hasan? A lot of you. What about Frederick Greene? Do you know who he is? You know what Hasan was wearing on November fifth, where he's been living for 7 months, maybe even what he's been eating. Did you know that after serving 23 years in the National Guard, Michael Cahill had a passion for helping soldiers returning home from war, after seeing his friends return from Vietnam who were never the same as they left ? Do you know that Juanita Warman, a mother, also devoted her life as a physician's assistant treating soldiers with PTSD and TBI? Sometimes we glorify the wrong people unintentionally. When you turn on CNN and see a picture of a terrorist in a uniform this week, will you please also picture a man named Justin DeCrow who truly honored the uniform, who now has a widow without a husband, a daughter without a father. Each time you hear the name "Hasan", will you also think of the names Kham Xiong, Michael Pearson, and John Gaffeney? When you find yourself becoming angry at the terrorist who killed Eduardo Careveo on November 5th, will you also remember his wife and children who grieve him? Not to encourage more hate and anger, but more love and appreciation for their sacrifice. Daughters like Amy Krueger and Francheska Valez died stopping a terrorist before he could get to me or you. The siblings of Aaron Nemelka, Russell Seager and JD Hunt will forever remember what our brothers gave that day. With one man's cowardly act, there are 13 sacrificial heroes who should be the ones we think of this week.

What is Memorial Day for? Remembering. I often find myself frustrated at how quickly people forget. I don't expect everyone to mourn November fifth the same way that I do, but when people say, "Oh wasn't that just in March?" or "Was that the thing on the news?" I get frustrated. How easily people move on with their days of freedom with out remembering the days that made them free. In addition to 13 families who lost their loved one, there are also 31 people with bullet wounds or scars from that day that have to remember the day they almost died. Let us not forget that a brave hero, SSG Patrick Zeigler, celebrates his 29th birthday today in the ICU. He has not left the hospital for 7 months, and after his seventh brain surgery last week, he is still fighting for his life.

I encourage everyone to continue to support not only the victims of the Fort Hood shooting, but the fallen from all of our wars; both World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, Desert Storm, and the current war in Iraq and Afghanistan. I also encourage you to support those families who have lost their soldiers to suicide or murder. The mental toll that being a soldier takes on a person must be agony. When our brave heroes see their own die in front of their faces, we cannot imagine the emotional torture they must endure for the rest of their lives. PTSD is now becoming part of what you sign up for when you take an oath to serve your country. Let us support and love them for that sacrifice of their own mental and physical health. Today I will place flowers on my brother's grave. But I will also give thanks for the ones in wheelchairs and hospitals who also gave so much.

John 15:13: "Greater love hath no man than this; that a man lay down his life for his friend."

My brother and thousands of others, live and die,so that I could read that scripture in public without being arrested; so that we can go on our vacations this weekend, drive our cars, play golf. Let us not forget that this "holiday" is to remember the ones who gave us this lifestyle and celebrate the freedoms that we enjoy. My brother did not die on accident. He lived for a purpose. And he has encouraged me to do the same.